The world has turned pink, restaurants are overbooked and overpriced, and we are just about done finalizing our outfit for the big date. There are some of us who can’t remember the last time we were single, and for us V-day is just a bigger date-night. But there’s more to it than roses and candles.
Sure, we may be going to our same favorite date-night spot and ordering our same favorite wine with the same partner, but every year is different. We have added beautiful moments, had bitter fights, and changed a little individually and as a couple. A little every year can add up significantly over the years, so it’s important to take stock of the most important changes. Here’s a start.
Did I make any new secrets last year? If it’s embarrassing, you might be able to have a laugh about it together at some point, once you’re able to laugh at yourself first. If it’s something that might change your relationship (usually for the worse), then it’s a good time for introspection. How did I get there? How do I get over it? What do I do about it now? Either bury it or confess when the time is right, but make up your mind, rid any guilt and move on. Life, like food, should be guilt-free.
What’s the best and worst thing about us? I’m amazed at how this answer—mostly the worst part— changes every few years. Cherish your best, and plan to build on it this year. And then try to get started on making the worst a little better. Make a plan so you can achieve the desired results. And recognize that if there’s something fundamental about your partner or relationship that you want to change, it’s mostly a lost cause and your plan should be directed at yourself instead, to learn to accept differences.
What did I learn about him/her that I loved/hated? You may be married for 20 years, but you learn something new about your partner all the time. Tell him/her about the things you loved discovering, it makes for good date night talk. As for the things you didn’t love so much, put them in your plan from the last question and either shrug it off or try and work on it.
What are we talking about, right now? After years of being together, couples progress to becoming each other’s best friends and mentors. And what you talk about shows how you’ve grown as a person. We all know that as we change, we can go either way, and we often take our relationship in the same direction. Observe during your date, do you mostly talk about other people? About your kids? About work? Do you talk too much about your plans for the year? Do you give enough genuine compliments? Couples don’t need to constantly impress, and may become complacent. Your partner is also the one who inspires you the most, so aim to be inspiring and move away from the mundane. And this will prepare you for your biggest question:
Are we better than last year and how? However small it may be, a plus is a plus and deserves to be cherished. Don’t kill yourself over how much better you could have been, you have the rest of your life to get there.
After all, Valentine’s day may be a celebrated day for love, but we all know that love can be celebrated every single day of the year.
What if happily ever after had an expiry date?
Megha led an almost perfect life. She had an almost perfect husband, almost perfect in-laws and an almost perfect world that she was perfectly happy in. Sure she was happy—Megha was a realist and knew when life was sufficiently fulfilling. She knew Ashok was a great catch and the little things that she secretly hoped would improve were just fuelled by the human desire to always want more. Besides, she wasn’t perfect herself, was she?
And then she ran into the perfect man. And suddenly, sufficient was not enough anymore.
Sameer was the best thing that happened to her, and the worst thing that happened to her. He made her feel beautiful like no one had ever done before. But while meeting her true soul-mate would have been exhilarating five years ago, now it was riddled with guilt, weighed down by reality and shackled by past commitments.
After a flurry of events make her a dishonest spouse, Megha wonders whether she should confess and salvage her marriage, or take the bold step toward the life she really wants. They don’t have children yet, but that doesn’t make it any easier. Their friends, his family and even her own family will despise her. But can she give up her dream and live a life of regret just to have their approval? She also wonders if she’s throwing away a good life for something that may be short-lived. Most importantly, she debates whether it is fair to break Ashok’s heart for no fault of his.
Whichever man she chooses, Megha wonders if her story will ever have a happily ever after. Her path seems to be strewn with heartbreaks—the decision to stay will break her heart while moving on will break the heart of someone she still loves.
But as she is still deciding, one of her lovers decides her fate without her consent.
What makes it real: This is inspired by some people in my life whose seemingly happy relationships fell apart because true love arrived too late. Much has been said about the person getting dumped and for a good reason too, but this story argues that walking away is difficult, too.
The characters are earthy, mature and genuine, but they are less than perfect in their approach to their problems and the choices they make. The story explores the agony of finding another true love when there is nothing really wrong with the love you already have, and dismay at the realization that you are the villain, the cheater and the heartbreaker. And that it was all your fault.
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